What does DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell) mean?

DADT sits at the far end of the transparency spectrum from full disclosure. A couple practicing DADT has agreed that outside connections are permitted, but the details — who, when, where — remain unspoken. This is not secrecy in the sense of deception; both partners know the agreement exists and have consented to it. The silence is itself a negotiated boundary.

Some couples use DADT during a transitional phase, as they build comfort with non-monogamy and work through communication challenges. Others practice it permanently as their operating system. Neither is wrong; the architecture works when both partners are genuinely comfortable with it — which requires honest self-assessment about whether the lack of information provides peace or produces anxiety.

On JoinTheSwing, DADT couples tend to keep profiles private, communicate through private Messages, and prefer events where they can move discretely without their home dynamic being visible. The platform's hidden-profile option, private albums, and consent-gated Messages system accommodate this architecture without requiring it.