Should I tell my adult children that I'm in the lifestyle?
You do not have to tell your adult children; adulthood does not create an automatic right to know. Share only if there is a clear, practical reason and both partners agree. Consider why you want to tell them, how they may react, and whether the information could remain private.
Being an adult changes the parent-child relationship, but it does not remove the need for personal boundaries. Your private romantic life remains yours unless disclosure serves a clear purpose, such as explaining a major relationship change or preparing for a situation they may encounter. You do not owe a detailed account of your activities simply because your children are grown.
Start by discussing the idea with your partner, if you have one. Decide together whether disclosure is necessary, what each of you is comfortable saying, and how you would respond to difficult questions. A vague explanation is acceptable when detail is not needed. If either partner feels pressured or uncertain, that is a strong reason to pause.
Consider each child individually. Adult children can still react with surprise, concern, disappointment, or judgment, and they may share the information with another parent, sibling, or family member. Ask yourself whether you could accept that outcome and whether the conversation might change family dynamics in ways you are not ready to manage.
If you choose to talk, keep the conversation calm, brief, and focused on reassurance: your values, stability, and respect for the family have not changed. Choose a private setting and avoid sharing names, photos, locations, or details about other people. It is also fine to decide that this part of life stays private unless a concrete need makes disclosure appropriate.