Does penis size matter to women?

The best-known data come from an online sex and body image survey hosted on MSNBC.com and Elle.com in 2003, analysed by Janet Lever, David Frederick and Letitia Anne Peplau (2006, Psychology of Men and Masculinity). It covered 52,031 heterosexual adults aged 18 to 65: 25,594 men and 26,437 women. About 85% of women were satisfied with their partner's penis size; 14% wanted a larger partner and 2% a smaller one. Among men, 55% were satisfied with their own size, 45% wanted to be larger and 0.2% smaller. Satisfaction did not vary across age groups from 18 to 65.

It is worth being clear about what this survey is. Participants were volunteers, the authors note the sample was not nationally representative, sizes were self-reported rather than measured, and the questions did not separate length from girth. So it cannot tell you what any one partner prefers. What it shows, across a very large group, is a gap: women were much more satisfied with their partners than men were with themselves.

Size is not irrelevant to everyone, and the same survey is honest about that. Only 6% of women rated their partner as smaller than average, and most of that group (68%) wished he were larger. But 94% rated their partner as average or larger, and 86% of women who rated their partner as average said they were very satisfied.

Men tend to compare themselves with a number that is too high. A 2021 review (King, Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy) found most men believe the average erect penis is longer than 6 inches, partly because often-quoted studies relied on men measuring themselves; studies in which researchers took the measurements put the average between 5.1 and 5.5 inches. A widely cited 2015 pooled review of clinician measurements (Veale et al., 2015, BJU International) found an average erect length of 13.12 cm (5.16 in) across 692 men and an average erect girth of 11.66 cm (4.59 in) across 381 men. Men also see themselves from above, which makes a penis look shorter than a partner sees it.

What you can change is how comfortable and connected sex feels. No survey can tell you what one person enjoys, but asking can: talk about what feels good, go at a pace that suits you both, and use a condom that fits well, which the condom size guide explains how to choose. If something is uncomfortable for either of you, saying so is part of good sex, not a failure of it.

If worry about size is affecting your confidence or your sex life, talk to a doctor or therapist. A review in BJU International (Wylie and Eardley, 2007) describes size concern as often within the normal experience of many men, and King (2021) suggests that counselling with factual information about size could ease the worry for most men who have it. This is general information, not medical advice.